SAT官方指南作文范例解析 含范文.

一、寫(xiě)作題目

Think carully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below

The old saying, “be carul what you wish for”, may be an appropriate warning. The drive to achieve a particular goal can dangerously narrow one’s perspective and encourage the fantasy that success in one endeavor will solve all of life’s difficulties. In fact, success can sometimes have unexpected consequences. Those who propel themselves toward the achievement of one goal often find that their lives are worse once “success” is achieved than they were bore.

Assignment: Can success be disastrous? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

題目翻譯：

那句古老的諺語(yǔ)“當(dāng)心你所期盼的東西”不失為一句恰當(dāng)?shù)木尽?shí)現(xiàn)特定目標(biāo)的動(dòng)機(jī)能夠危險(xiǎn)地使一個(gè)人的觀念變得狹隘，并且助長(zhǎng)這樣一種幻想：一次努力后的成功能夠解決生活中的所有問(wèn)題。事實(shí)上，成功有時(shí)候會(huì)帶來(lái)無(wú)法預(yù)料的后果。那些為著實(shí)現(xiàn)某一目標(biāo)而奮斗的人常常發(fā)現(xiàn)，“成功”實(shí)現(xiàn)后他們的生活變得比過(guò)去更糟了。

命題：成功可以是災(zāi)難性的嗎？

二、6分范文

The power of success can be disastrous when placed in the wrong hands. Naturally, there are those who will always choose to manipulate conditions to succeed in their own endeavors, not taking into consideration the lives of those around them. On the other hand, there may be those who do not necessarily pursue selfish ends, but simply do not know where to take success once it has been achieved, thus resulting in their own self-sabotage.

Throughout history, we have seen success used wrongfully in the hands of the unworthy. Powerful leaders of nations, kingdoms, and empires, having succeeded in gaining leadership, have then used their influence wrongfully in achieving their own selfish (and sometimes twisted) goals. Nero, the Roman emperor who beat his pregnant wife to death and has been suspected of instigating the great fire of Rome in an attempt to boost his own political influence; Henry VIII of England, for whom women were beheaded for not bearing him a son, and who is rumored to have eaten eight chickens a night while English peasants starved; The notorious Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain, who carried out the Spanish Inquisition… The list is endless. Even in literature, we see the corruption and downfall of society and mankind as a whole as a result of the abuse of success in the possession of those who do not deserve it, as seen in William Shakespeare’s tragedy of King Lear. In the story, societal order is replaced with chaos when there is a power shift from Lear to his evil daughters, Regan and Goneril. This order only returns to a slight degree when virtue (in the form of Lear’s good daughter, Cordelia) returns to England. Success is hazardous when awarded to the unvirtuous.

However, there may be those who are not necessarily evil of greedy in their pursuits, but merely do not know how to handle success. This proves to be just more disastrous to the individual than to anyone else, since it is the individual who will then sabotage his own success to return to his former comfort zone. Success is meant to be grown upon, not exploited or feared.

Success, when achieved by the unworthy or inexperienced, is a most disastrous element. Success is not about being happy at the expense of those about you –it is about using one’s newly gained happiness to improve the lives of others. If one rlects on the wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, one will never go astray: “To know that one person has breathed easier because you have lived -this is to have succeeded.”

范文翻譯：

當(dāng)成功被錯(cuò)誤的人掌握時(shí)，其力量將是災(zāi)難性的。世上自然有這樣的人：他們總是盡力操縱局面，實(shí)現(xiàn)自我成功，而不把周圍的人生死放在眼里。另一方面，還有這樣的人，他們追求的目標(biāo)不一定自私，但就是不知道怎么對(duì)待取得的成功，因此落得自我毀滅的下場(chǎng)。

縱觀歷史，可見(jiàn)不肖之徒妄用手中的成功。那些強(qiáng)大的帝王領(lǐng)袖成功獲取了領(lǐng)導(dǎo)權(quán)，又妄用其影響力以實(shí)現(xiàn)自己自私的（有時(shí)是變態(tài)的）目的。羅馬皇帝尼祿（Nero）將懷孕的妻子鞭打致死，有人懷疑，他曾為了擢升自己的政治影響力而點(diǎn)燃羅馬大火；英國(guó)國(guó)王亨利八世（Henry VIII of England）因?yàn)榕藳](méi)能為他生下王子而將其送上斷頭臺(tái)，據(jù)傳，在英國(guó)農(nóng)民忍饑挨餓的時(shí)候，他卻能一晚上吃掉8只雞；還有西班牙臭名昭著的費(fèi)迪南德和伊莎貝拉（Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain），他們?cè)谖靼嘌涝O(shè)立起進(jìn)行異端審判的宗教法庭。名單無(wú)窮無(wú)盡。即使在文學(xué)作品里，我們也能看見(jiàn)因?yàn)楸静慌涞玫匠晒Φ娜藶E用成功而對(duì)整個(gè)社會(huì)和人類造成的腐敗和衰落，正如我們?cè)谕ど勘葋喌谋瘎　独顮柾酢罚↘ing Lear）中所見(jiàn)的那樣。故事中，當(dāng)李爾王將權(quán)力移交給邪惡的女兒瑞根和高納里爾后，混亂取代了社會(huì)秩序，只有當(dāng)美德（以李爾王的好女兒考蒂利亞偉化身）回歸英國(guó)之后，秩序才稍稍恢復(fù)。當(dāng)成功落入無(wú)德之人手中時(shí)，成功是危險(xiǎn)的。

然而，有些人的愿望不一定邪惡或貪婪，只是他們不知道如何對(duì)待成功。相比對(duì)其他人而言，這種情況對(duì)當(dāng)事人來(lái)說(shuō)更具災(zāi)難性，因?yàn)樗麜?huì)毀掉自己的成功，回到原來(lái)的舒適區(qū)。成功應(yīng)該使人成長(zhǎng)，而不應(yīng)被妄用，也不應(yīng)使人害怕。

當(dāng)卑鄙的人或不成熟的人取得成功時(shí)，成功是最具災(zāi)難性的。成功不是以犧牲身邊人為代價(jià)換取幸福，而是用剛剛得到的幸福去改善其他人的生活。如果一個(gè)人能夠仔細(xì)思考拉爾夫·沃爾多·愛(ài)默生（Ralph Waldo Emerson）的話：“成功就是知道有人因?yàn)槟愕拇嬖诙粑酶p松?！?，他就永不會(huì)誤入歧途。

三、得分點(diǎn)詳解

1 fectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position

圍繞論題有效、深刻地發(fā)展一個(gè)論點(diǎn)，運(yùn)用貼切的事例、因果分析和其他證據(jù)支持論點(diǎn)，從而展示出色的思辨能力。

針對(duì)命題“成功可以是災(zāi)難性的嗎？”，本文提出論點(diǎn) “當(dāng)成功被錯(cuò)誤的人掌握時(shí)，其力量將是災(zāi)難性的”(The power of success can be disastrous when placed in the wrong hands.)。接下來(lái)，作者進(jìn)一步指出，錯(cuò)誤的人分為兩類：第一類人為了實(shí)現(xiàn)自我成功，而不把周圍的人生死放在眼里；另一類人追求的目標(biāo)不一定自私，但就是不知道怎么對(duì)待取得的成功，因此落得自我毀滅的下場(chǎng)。（Naturally, there are those who will always choose to manipulate conditions to succeed in their own endeavors, not taking into consideration the lives of those around them. On the other hand, there may be those who do not necessarily pursue selfish ends, but simply do not know where to take success once it has been achieved, thus resulting in their own self-sabotage.）

作者分別從歷史和文學(xué)兩方面對(duì)自私自利的人成功后帶來(lái)災(zāi)難進(jìn)行了事例論證。歷史人物包括羅馬皇帝尼祿（Nero），英國(guó)國(guó)王亨利八世（Henry VIII of England），以及西班牙的費(fèi)迪南和伊莎貝拉（Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain）。他們“成功地取得了領(lǐng)導(dǎo)權(quán)”，卻“妄用其影響力以實(shí)現(xiàn)自己自私的（有時(shí)是變態(tài)的）目的” （Powerful leaders of nations, kingdoms, and empires, having succeeded in gaining leadership, have then used their influence wrongfully in achieving their own selfish (and sometimes twisted) goals.），從而給人民帶來(lái)了災(zāi)難。在此作者運(yùn)用列舉法，并沒(méi)有對(duì)每個(gè)人物做過(guò)多細(xì)節(jié)性的渲染，而是選取了他們最具代表性的行為，雖然篇幅簡(jiǎn)短，卻顯得論據(jù)充足，頗有氣勢(shì)。作者還選取了文學(xué)人物，李爾王的壞女兒瑞根和高納里爾（Regan and Goneril）作為事例。她們也成功地取得了王位，卻使得“混亂取代了社會(huì)秩序” （In the story, societal order is replaced with chaos when there is a power shift from Lear to his evil daughters, Regan and Goneril.）

對(duì)于那些因?yàn)椴欢萌绾螌?duì)待成功而自取毀滅的人，作者并沒(méi)有給出具體事例，只是分析到他們毀掉成功的原因是因?yàn)楹ε鲁晒?，希望“回到原?lái)的舒適區(qū)” 。（it is the individual who will then sabotage his own success to return to his former comfort zone.）

在結(jié)尾段，作者總結(jié)到：“當(dāng)卑鄙的人或不成熟的人取得成功時(shí)，成功是最具災(zāi)難性的?！保?Success, when achieved by the unworthy or inexperienced, is a most disastrous element.）并提出對(duì)成功的正確認(rèn)識(shí)：“成功不是以犧牲身邊人為代價(jià)換取幸福，而是用剛剛得到的幸福去改善其他人的生活。”（ Success is not about being happy at the expense of those about you –it is about using one’s newly gained happiness to improve the lives of others.）最后，作者引用了拉爾夫·沃爾多·愛(ài)默生（Ralph Waldo Emerson）的話：“成功就是知道有人因?yàn)槟愕拇嬖诙粑酶p松?！?（“To know that one person has breathed easier because you have lived -this is to have succeeded.”），并指出如果一個(gè)人能夠仔細(xì)思考這句話，他就不會(huì)誤入歧途，可謂給“成功帶來(lái)災(zāi)難”的現(xiàn)象開(kāi)出了一劑藥方，升華了主題。

整篇文章綜合運(yùn)用了事例、分析和引用來(lái)證明論點(diǎn)，展現(xiàn)了出色的思辨能力。

2 is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas

結(jié)構(gòu)合理，中心明確，思路連貫，銜接自然。

文章采用總-分-總的結(jié)構(gòu)，首段提出論點(diǎn)，中間段用事例證明論點(diǎn)，末段引經(jīng)據(jù)典，總結(jié)事例并升華主題。在敘述事例的時(shí)候，作者綜合運(yùn)用了 “On the other hand”, “but”, “thus”, “since”等過(guò)渡詞，以及過(guò)渡句，如第二段開(kāi)頭的 “However, there may be those who are not necessarily evil of greedy in their pursuits, but merely do not know how to handle success.” 文章在語(yǔ)義銜接上也十分流暢。

全文緊扣論點(diǎn)，不枝不蔓，起承轉(zhuǎn)合十分得體。

3 exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary

顯示運(yùn)用語(yǔ)言的技巧，詞匯豐富、準(zhǔn)確、恰當(dāng)

4 demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure

運(yùn)用多種句子結(jié)構(gòu)

5 is free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics

在語(yǔ)法、用法和技巧上錯(cuò)誤很少

本篇范文的作者展示了駕馭語(yǔ)言的高超能力。作者儲(chǔ)存的詞匯顯然很豐富。對(duì)于那些會(huì)將成功引向?yàn)?zāi)難的人，作者有如下4種表達(dá)： “wrong hands”， “the unworthy”， “those who do not deserve it”，以及 “the unvirtuous”；同樣是贏得權(quán)力，作者也用了 “succeeded in gaining leadership” 和 “power shift”兩種表達(dá)方式；關(guān)于不見(jiàn)于史書(shū)的軼事，寫(xiě)尼祿的時(shí)候是 “has been suspected of”, 而寫(xiě)亨利八世的時(shí)候則是 “is rumored to”。作者對(duì)各種句式的運(yùn)用也很熟練。第一段的 “On the other hand, there may be those who do not necessarily pursue selfish ends, but simply do not know where to take success once it has been achieved, thus resulting in their own self-sabotage.”既是多重從句，又有現(xiàn)在分詞做狀語(yǔ)； 而第二段的 “In the story, societal order is replaced with chaos when there is a power shift from Lear to his evil daughters, Regan and Goneril.” 則運(yùn)用了被動(dòng)語(yǔ)態(tài)和同位語(yǔ)。全文長(zhǎng)短句結(jié)合，參差有序。

四、 經(jīng)典詞句

lplaced in the wrong hands 落入錯(cuò)誤的人手中

例：The power of success can be disastrous when placed in the wrong hands.

Anything placed in the wrong hands can be damaging.

ltake into consideration 考慮到，顧及

例：Naturally, there are those who will always choose to manipulate conditions to succeed in their own endeavors, not taking into consideration the lives of those around them.

Your teacher will take your recent illness into consideration when judging your examination results.

lpursue selfish ends 追求自私的目標(biāo)

例：On the other hand, there may be those who do not necessarily pursue selfish ends, but simply do not know where to take success once it has been achieved.

Ethical leaders exercise power on behalf of followers; unethical leaders pursue selfish ends.

lself-sabotage 自我毀滅

例：On the other hand, there may be those who do not necessarily pursue selfish ends, but simply do not know where to take success once it has been achieved, thus resulting in their own self-sabotage.

Self-sabotage behaviors are irrational and illogical, and they destroy your self esteem and self confidence.

lInstigate 點(diǎn)燃，煽動(dòng)

例：Nero, the Roman emperor has been suspected of instigating the great fire of Rome in an attempt to boost his own political influence.

It was all very fine to utter one&aposs opinion about politics, but if it was meant to instigate a rebellion, that was quite another pair of boots.

lboost 提升

例：Nero, the Roman emperor has been suspected of instigating the great fire of Rome in an attempt to boost his own political influence.

These changes will help to boost share prices.

lnotorious 臭名昭著的

例：The notorious Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain carried out the Spanish Inquisition.

He was notorious as a gambler.

lcarry out 執(zhí)行，貫徹

例：The notorious Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain carried out the Spanish Inquisition.

He carried out the plan in very detail.

labuse 濫用，妄用

例：Even in literature, we see the corruption and downfall of society and mankind as a whole as a result of the abuse of success.

He never abuses his privilege.

lpower shift 權(quán)力轉(zhuǎn)移

例：In the story, societal order is replaced with chaos when there is a power shift from Lear to his evil daughters, Regan and Goneril.

There is a power shift in the market from the seller to the buyer.

lcomfort zone 舒適區(qū)

例：It is the individual who will then sabotage his own success to return to his former comfort zone.

Did you know that all human beings have a comfort zone regulating the distance they stand from someone when they talk?

lat the expense of 以……為代價(jià)

例：Success is not about being happy at the expense of those about you.

He finished the job at the expense of his health.

lrlects on 仔細(xì)思考

例：If one rlects on the wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, one will never go astray.

I often rlect on one&aposs own thoughts and feelings.

lgo astray 誤入歧途

例：If one rlects on the wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, one will never go astray.

Many girls living alone in the city go astray for lack of parental control.

五、事例擴(kuò)展

尼祿等人的例子還可用于關(guān)于動(dòng)機(jī)的話題，如

1.Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?

2.Are people&aposs actions motivated primarily by a desire for power over others?

以及關(guān)于歷史和現(xiàn)在的例子，如

1.Do incidents from the past continue to influence the present?

2.What is your opinion of the claim that without adequate knowledge of the past, we can not truly understand the present?

3.Is the world changing for the better?

李爾王的例子還可用于關(guān)于逆境和挫折的話題，如

1.Does true learning only occur when we experience difficulties?

2.Do we really benit from every event or experience in some way?

3.Do people learn more from losing than from winning?

4.Should people change their decisions when circumstances change, or is it best for them to stick with their original decisions?

以及個(gè)人選擇的話題，如

Are people&aposs lives the result of the choices they make?

李爾王的兩個(gè)壞女兒通過(guò)違心的甜言蜜語(yǔ)得到了王位，而好女兒卻因?yàn)椴辉阜畛懈赣H而失去了領(lǐng)土，她們的例子還可用于關(guān)于謊言的話題，如

1.Is deception ever justified?

2.Would the world be a better place if everyone always told the complete truth?

3.Can deception-pretending that something is true when it is not-sometimes have good results?

4.Do circumstances determine whether or not we should tell the truth?

5.What is your opinion of the claim that sometimes honesty is not the best policy?

一、寫(xiě)作題目

Think carully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below

The old saying, “be carul what you wish for”, may be an appropriate warning. The drive to achieve a particular goal can dangerously narrow one’s perspective and encourage the fantasy that success in one endeavor will solve all of life’s difficulties. In fact, success can sometimes have unexpected consequences. Those who propel themselves toward the achievement of one goal often find that their lives are worse once “success” is achieved than they were bore.

Assignment: Can success be disastrous? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

題目翻譯：

那句古老的諺語(yǔ)“當(dāng)心你所期盼的東西”不失為一句恰當(dāng)?shù)木?。?shí)現(xiàn)特定目標(biāo)的動(dòng)機(jī)能夠危險(xiǎn)地使一個(gè)人的觀念變得狹隘，并且助長(zhǎng)這樣一種幻想：一次努力后的成功能夠解決生活中的所有問(wèn)題。事實(shí)上，成功有時(shí)候會(huì)帶來(lái)無(wú)法預(yù)料的后果。那些為著實(shí)現(xiàn)某一目標(biāo)而奮斗的人常常發(fā)現(xiàn)，“成功”實(shí)現(xiàn)后他們的生活變得比過(guò)去更糟了。

命題：成功可以是災(zāi)難性的嗎？

二、6分范文

The power of success can be disastrous when placed in the wrong hands. Naturally, there are those who will always choose to manipulate conditions to succeed in their own endeavors, not taking into consideration the lives of those around them. On the other hand, there may be those who do not necessarily pursue selfish ends, but simply do not know where to take success once it has been achieved, thus resulting in their own self-sabotage.

Throughout history, we have seen success used wrongfully in the hands of the unworthy. Powerful leaders of nations, kingdoms, and empires, having succeeded in gaining leadership, have then used their influence wrongfully in achieving their own selfish (and sometimes twisted) goals. Nero, the Roman emperor who beat his pregnant wife to death and has been suspected of instigating the great fire of Rome in an attempt to boost his own political influence; Henry VIII of England, for whom women were beheaded for not bearing him a son, and who is rumored to have eaten eight chickens a night while English peasants starved; The notorious Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain, who carried out the Spanish Inquisition… The list is endless. Even in literature, we see the corruption and downfall of society and mankind as a whole as a result of the abuse of success in the possession of those who do not deserve it, as seen in William Shakespeare’s tragedy of King Lear. In the story, societal order is replaced with chaos when there is a power shift from Lear to his evil daughters, Regan and Goneril. This order only returns to a slight degree when virtue (in the form of Lear’s good daughter, Cordelia) returns to England. Success is hazardous when awarded to the unvirtuous.

However, there may be those who are not necessarily evil of greedy in their pursuits, but merely do not know how to handle success. This proves to be just more disastrous to the individual than to anyone else, since it is the individual who will then sabotage his own success to return to his former comfort zone. Success is meant to be grown upon, not exploited or feared.

Success, when achieved by the unworthy or inexperienced, is a most disastrous element. Success is not about being happy at the expense of those about you –it is about using one’s newly gained happiness to improve the lives of others. If one rlects on the wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, one will never go astray: “To know that one person has breathed easier because you have lived -this is to have succeeded.”

范文翻譯：

當(dāng)成功被錯(cuò)誤的人掌握時(shí)，其力量將是災(zāi)難性的。世上自然有這樣的人：他們總是盡力操縱局面，實(shí)現(xiàn)自我成功，而不把周圍的人生死放在眼里。另一方面，還有這樣的人，他們追求的目標(biāo)不一定自私，但就是不知道怎么對(duì)待取得的成功，因此落得自我毀滅的下場(chǎng)。

縱觀歷史，可見(jiàn)不肖之徒妄用手中的成功。那些強(qiáng)大的帝王領(lǐng)袖成功獲取了領(lǐng)導(dǎo)權(quán)，又妄用其影響力以實(shí)現(xiàn)自己自私的（有時(shí)是變態(tài)的）目的。羅馬皇帝尼祿（Nero）將懷孕的妻子鞭打致死，有人懷疑，他曾為了擢升自己的政治影響力而點(diǎn)燃羅馬大火；英國(guó)國(guó)王亨利八世（Henry VIII of England）因?yàn)榕藳](méi)能為他生下王子而將其送上斷頭臺(tái)，據(jù)傳，在英國(guó)農(nóng)民忍饑挨餓的時(shí)候，他卻能一晚上吃掉8只雞；還有西班牙臭名昭著的費(fèi)迪南德和伊莎貝拉（Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain），他們?cè)谖靼嘌涝O(shè)立起進(jìn)行異端審判的宗教法庭。名單無(wú)窮無(wú)盡。即使在文學(xué)作品里，我們也能看見(jiàn)因?yàn)楸静慌涞玫匠晒Φ娜藶E用成功而對(duì)整個(gè)社會(huì)和人類造成的腐敗和衰落，正如我們?cè)谕ど勘葋喌谋瘎　独顮柾酢罚↘ing Lear）中所見(jiàn)的那樣。故事中，當(dāng)李爾王將權(quán)力移交給邪惡的女兒瑞根和高納里爾后，混亂取代了社會(huì)秩序，只有當(dāng)美德（以李爾王的好女兒考蒂利亞偉化身）回歸英國(guó)之后，秩序才稍稍恢復(fù)。當(dāng)成功落入無(wú)德之人手中時(shí)，成功是危險(xiǎn)的。

然而，有些人的愿望不一定邪惡或貪婪，只是他們不知道如何對(duì)待成功。相比對(duì)其他人而言，這種情況對(duì)當(dāng)事人來(lái)說(shuō)更具災(zāi)難性，因?yàn)樗麜?huì)毀掉自己的成功，回到原來(lái)的舒適區(qū)。成功應(yīng)該使人成長(zhǎng)，而不應(yīng)被妄用，也不應(yīng)使人害怕。

當(dāng)卑鄙的人或不成熟的人取得成功時(shí)，成功是最具災(zāi)難性的。成功不是以犧牲身邊人為代價(jià)換取幸福，而是用剛剛得到的幸福去改善其他人的生活。如果一個(gè)人能夠仔細(xì)思考拉爾夫·沃爾多·愛(ài)默生（Ralph Waldo Emerson）的話：“成功就是知道有人因?yàn)槟愕拇嬖诙粑酶p松。”，他就永不會(huì)誤入歧途。

三、得分點(diǎn)詳解

1 fectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position

圍繞論題有效、深刻地發(fā)展一個(gè)論點(diǎn)，運(yùn)用貼切的事例、因果分析和其他證據(jù)支持論點(diǎn)，從而展示出色的思辨能力。

針對(duì)命題“成功可以是災(zāi)難性的嗎？”，本文提出論點(diǎn) “當(dāng)成功被錯(cuò)誤的人掌握時(shí)，其力量將是災(zāi)難性的”(The power of success can be disastrous when placed in the wrong hands.)。接下來(lái)，作者進(jìn)一步指出，錯(cuò)誤的人分為兩類：第一類人為了實(shí)現(xiàn)自我成功，而不把周圍的人生死放在眼里；另一類人追求的目標(biāo)不一定自私，但就是不知道怎么對(duì)待取得的成功，因此落得自我毀滅的下場(chǎng)。（Naturally, there are those who will always choose to manipulate conditions to succeed in their own endeavors, not taking into consideration the lives of those around them. On the other hand, there may be those who do not necessarily pursue selfish ends, but simply do not know where to take success once it has been achieved, thus resulting in their own self-sabotage.）

作者分別從歷史和文學(xué)兩方面對(duì)自私自利的人成功后帶來(lái)災(zāi)難進(jìn)行了事例論證。歷史人物包括羅馬皇帝尼祿（Nero），英國(guó)國(guó)王亨利八世（Henry VIII of England），以及西班牙的費(fèi)迪南和伊莎貝拉（Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain）。他們“成功地取得了領(lǐng)導(dǎo)權(quán)”，卻“妄用其影響力以實(shí)現(xiàn)自己自私的（有時(shí)是變態(tài)的）目的” （Powerful leaders of nations, kingdoms, and empires, having succeeded in gaining leadership, have then used their influence wrongfully in achieving their own selfish (and sometimes twisted) goals.），從而給人民帶來(lái)了災(zāi)難。在此作者運(yùn)用列舉法，并沒(méi)有對(duì)每個(gè)人物做過(guò)多細(xì)節(jié)性的渲染，而是選取了他們最具代表性的行為，雖然篇幅簡(jiǎn)短，卻顯得論據(jù)充足，頗有氣勢(shì)。作者還選取了文學(xué)人物，李爾王的壞女兒瑞根和高納里爾（Regan and Goneril）作為事例。她們也成功地取得了王位，卻使得“混亂取代了社會(huì)秩序” （In the story, societal order is replaced with chaos when there is a power shift from Lear to his evil daughters, Regan and Goneril.）

對(duì)于那些因?yàn)椴欢萌绾螌?duì)待成功而自取毀滅的人，作者并沒(méi)有給出具體事例，只是分析到他們毀掉成功的原因是因?yàn)楹ε鲁晒?，希望“回到原?lái)的舒適區(qū)” 。（it is the individual who will then sabotage his own success to return to his former comfort zone.）

在結(jié)尾段，作者總結(jié)到：“當(dāng)卑鄙的人或不成熟的人取得成功時(shí)，成功是最具災(zāi)難性的?！保?Success, when achieved by the unworthy or inexperienced, is a most disastrous element.）并提出對(duì)成功的正確認(rèn)識(shí)：“成功不是以犧牲身邊人為代價(jià)換取幸福，而是用剛剛得到的幸福去改善其他人的生活。”（ Success is not about being happy at the expense of those about you –it is about using one’s newly gained happiness to improve the lives of others.）最后，作者引用了拉爾夫·沃爾多·愛(ài)默生（Ralph Waldo Emerson）的話：“成功就是知道有人因?yàn)槟愕拇嬖诙粑酶p松。” （“To know that one person has breathed easier because you have lived -this is to have succeeded.”），并指出如果一個(gè)人能夠仔細(xì)思考這句話，他就不會(huì)誤入歧途，可謂給“成功帶來(lái)災(zāi)難”的現(xiàn)象開(kāi)出了一劑藥方，升華了主題。

整篇文章綜合運(yùn)用了事例、分析和引用來(lái)證明論點(diǎn)，展現(xiàn)了出色的思辨能力。

2 is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas

結(jié)構(gòu)合理，中心明確，思路連貫，銜接自然。

文章采用總-分-總的結(jié)構(gòu)，首段提出論點(diǎn)，中間段用事例證明論點(diǎn)，末段引經(jīng)據(jù)典，總結(jié)事例并升華主題。在敘述事例的時(shí)候，作者綜合運(yùn)用了 “On the other hand”, “but”, “thus”, “since”等過(guò)渡詞，以及過(guò)渡句，如第二段開(kāi)頭的 “However, there may be those who are not necessarily evil of greedy in their pursuits, but merely do not know how to handle success.” 文章在語(yǔ)義銜接上也十分流暢。

全文緊扣論點(diǎn)，不枝不蔓，起承轉(zhuǎn)合十分得體。

3 exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary

顯示運(yùn)用語(yǔ)言的技巧，詞匯豐富、準(zhǔn)確、恰當(dāng)

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