不在辦公室留言指南.

　　When Professor Randy Pausch took a month off work for his honeymoon, his boss at CarnegieMellon University insisted that he be reachable. So he recorded a message for when people triedto call. On it he explained that he’d waited until 39 to get married. Then he gave the names ofhis new in-laws and the town they lived in, so a caller could get their number from directoryassistance. Then, lastly: “If you can convince my in-laws that your emergency meritsinterrupting their only daughter’s honeymoon, they have our number.”

　　當(dāng)蘭迪波許(Randy Pausch)教授為了度蜜月而休假一個(gè)月時(shí)，他在卡內(nèi)基梅隆大學(xué)(Carnegie MellonUniversity)的老板堅(jiān)持要能聯(lián)系上他。因此，他為打電話找他的人錄了一段語音留言。在留言中，他解釋說，自己一直等到39歲才結(jié)婚。然后，他說出了自己岳父母的名字及他們居住的小鎮(zhèn)，這樣來電者可以從查號(hào)服務(wù)臺(tái)查到他們的電話號(hào)碼。最后他說：“如果你能說服我岳父母，你的緊急情況值得打斷他們的獨(dú)女的蜜月，他們有我們的電話?！?/p>

　　I was thinking about this clever out-of-office notification as I tried to construct my own in emailform. Prof Pausch’s honeymoon message is a story from a more technologically innocent age— it was about 15 years ago, which is at least 100 in internet years. Back then, aside from thehurdles put in place by determined honeymooners, there were also plausible reasons to beout of touch. Now, technology is so good that it’s ruined our favourite excuses for not beingreachable. Writing that one has “l(fā)imited” or “intermittent” access to email is usually no morethan a declaration that one intends to be choosy about dealing with it.

　　當(dāng)我試圖構(gòu)思我自己的“不在辦公室”自動(dòng)回復(fù)電子郵件時(shí)，我腦子里在想的就是這個(gè)聰明的“不在辦公室”通知。波許教授的蜜月留言是科技還不那么發(fā)達(dá)時(shí)代的故事——發(fā)生在大約15年前，如果用互聯(lián)網(wǎng)年計(jì)算，至少相當(dāng)于100年前。那時(shí)候，除了決心度蜜月的新婚夫婦設(shè)置的障礙，也有其他貌似合理的理由失去聯(lián)系。如今，科技如此發(fā)達(dá)，以至于已經(jīng)毀掉了我們?cè)谙Ｍ槐淮驍_時(shí)最喜歡使用的借口。寫下自己只能“有限地”或“間歇地”訪問電子郵箱，通常無異于宣布你打算有選擇性地處理電子郵件。

　　But this is only half the story. The other is that technology, particularly when it comes to theout-of-office message, hasn’t kept up. There’s a robot that walks like a dog and cars drivethemselves, so why don’t we have smarter ways to manage time spent away from work?

　　但這只是故事的一面。故事的另一面是科技(尤其是當(dāng)涉及到“不在辦公室”的留言時(shí))沒能跟上時(shí)代。我們擁有可以像狗一樣行走的機(jī)器人，有可以自動(dòng)駕駛的汽車，但為什么我們沒有更智能的方法來管理休假的時(shí)間呢?

　　An obvious improvement would be to add functionality to email clients that spreadsheetsoftware has had for years: warnings that self-rerential loops, aka “circular rerences”, havebeen created. This affliction hits parts of Europe especially hard in August. Person A is out ofthe office, please contact Person B if it’s urgent. Person B says the same, rers emailer toPerson C in an emergency. Person C rers to Person A. It is either a clever ruse or poorplanning, but given that everyone is already emotionally and mentally, if not physically, out ofthe door when they set this up, it’s probably the latter.

　　一個(gè)明顯的改善可能是在電子郵件客戶端添加電子表格軟件多年前就具備的功能：已經(jīng)產(chǎn)生自動(dòng)指向循環(huán)(也叫“環(huán)狀指向”)的警告。這一“克星”在8月的歐洲部分地區(qū)尤其折磨人。甲稱自己不在辦公室，如果情況緊急的話，請(qǐng)聯(lián)系乙。乙重復(fù)甲的話，讓發(fā)信人在緊急情況下去找丙。丙又將緊急聯(lián)系人設(shè)為甲。這種情形如果不是一種聰明的策略，就是計(jì)劃不周，但是考慮到在這種循環(huán)被設(shè)立時(shí)，每個(gè)人早已在心理上和頭腦上(如果不是實(shí)際上)離開了辦公室，很可能是后一種。

　　From this it logically follows that any new out-of-office technology would have to respect thact that having high quality time off is a team fort. So one of the top features fordevelopment should be a warning that pops up when you’re about to email someone fromwhom you’ve already received an out-of-office. The system will be smart enough to considerthe dates that the holiday-maker said they were away in their email. This isn’t my idea. It’scovered by a US patent filed (grant pending) in 2006 that’s owned by IBM.

　　由此可合理推斷出，任何新的“不在辦公室”技術(shù)都必須尊重這樣的事實(shí)：享受高質(zhì)量的休假時(shí)間要靠團(tuán)隊(duì)努力。因此，開發(fā)的首要功能之一應(yīng)該是，當(dāng)你要給一個(gè)你已經(jīng)收到“不在辦公室”回復(fù)的人發(fā)郵件時(shí)，系統(tǒng)會(huì)自動(dòng)彈出警告。這一系統(tǒng)將足夠智能，能夠記住度假者在郵件中說過的休假日期。這不是我的主意。一項(xiàng)2006年申請(qǐng)的美國專利(等待許可)就包含此項(xiàng)功能，這項(xiàng)專利歸IBM所有。

　　I’d like it to go one further by having it hook up with an email scheduling service, giving you theoption to forward the conversation to the well-slept sod on the day of their return in order tomake absolutely clear that yes, they were right to wish that they could have just stayed in theLake District forever.

　　我想更進(jìn)一步，讓這一功能與電子郵件日程安排服務(wù)相連接，讓你可以選擇可以將郵件推遲至那個(gè)正在享受充足睡眠的討厭鬼回來上班的那天發(fā)送，以清楚地表明，是的，他們本想永遠(yuǎn)待在湖區(qū)(Lake District)不回來的想法是正確的。

　　Provided colleagues heeded the warnings, such functionality would be a boon to those of uswho have poor self-control when it comes to unplugging from the Matrix. It would also,however, provide the added bonus of making it abundantly clear who the most and least helpfulpeople are when we are attempting down time.

　　如果你的同事聽從了這些警告，這樣的功能對(duì)于那些難以從旅行中收心、自制力較差的人將是一個(gè)福音。然而，它還將提供額外的好處：讓你充分認(rèn)清在你想要休息時(shí)，誰是最幫忙的，誰是最添亂的。

　　Perhaps in the year after the release of a new add-in to Gmail or Outlook that provides thistool, the survey for the 100 Best Companies to Work For could include a Jerk Index measuringthe number of out-of-office notices heeded versus overridden.

　　也許在提供這種工具的Gmail或Outlook新插件發(fā)布之后，對(duì)100家最佳雇主(Best Companies to WorkFor)的調(diào)查可能包括一項(xiàng)“傻瓜指數(shù)”(Jerk Index)——測算 “不在辦公室通知”被聽從的與被無視的數(shù)量之比。

　　The next new feature would generate a public plausibility score for a given out-of-officemessage. If the message says “intermittent access” but the person is replying to messages ata rate that implies that they want an excuse not to spend time with their family, theirplausibility score would be near zero.

　　下一個(gè)新功能將對(duì)某人的“不在辦公室”留言打出一個(gè)公開的可信度評(píng)分。如果留言說可“間歇訪問”郵箱，但此人回復(fù)信息的速度暗示他們想找個(gè)不跟家人待在一塊兒的理由，他們的可信度評(píng)分將接近于零。

　　If the message says “no access” and the person replies to anything, this system will send theman image of US talk-show host Maury Povich along with the text: “Your out-of-office said thatyou wouldn’t be replying to emails. The fact that you replied determined that was a lie.”

　　如果留言說“無法訪問”郵箱，而此人又回復(fù)所有郵件，該系統(tǒng)將給他們發(fā)送一張美國脫口秀主持人莫里波維奇(Maury Povich)的照片，并附上文字：“你的‘不在辦公室’留言說你不會(huì)回復(fù)郵件。而你回復(fù)了，說明那是一個(gè)謊言?！?/p>

　　As for my own message, I decided on something non-committal. Until technology catches up, Imight as well keep my options open. Oh, and I lt Person B out of it. He’s not in anyway.

　　至于我自己的“不在辦公室”留言，我決定含糊其辭。在科技手段還不足的時(shí)候，我還是保留自己的選擇權(quán)吧。噢，我也沒有設(shè)置乙為緊急聯(lián)系人。反正他也休假了。