一篇SAT作文的實(shí)例講解.

這個(gè)暑假的SAT詞匯和寫作加強(qiáng)班第二輪已經(jīng)快結(jié)束了，今天開始講評(píng)布置的作文作業(yè)。感覺同學(xué)們?cè)趯懽魃喜粌H離SAT考試的要求有距離，而且基本不能達(dá)到在美國課堂上做小論文和ESSAY的要求，我有些許生氣。

誠然，寫作是語言學(xué)習(xí)的最后環(huán)節(jié)，也是最終極的一個(gè)高度，對(duì)于任何語言都是這樣。學(xué)習(xí)中文這么多年，每次提起筆來，我心里面底氣非常不足。英文也是一樣，就如羅永浩同志有一次調(diào)侃，澳際背過字典的就只有老俞和那個(gè)廣東瘋子（未考證，我太太說給我聽的），的確，我是背過韋氏字典，但是要我寫英文，每一次我都是逐字逐句斟酌，如履薄冰，身后總感覺有人在偷偷笑我。在國內(nèi)這兒環(huán)境里，做留學(xué)咨詢的人很多，出版名校指南指西指北指ANYWHERE的人很多，但是敢于亮出來寫和出版留學(xué)文書寫作的，數(shù)來數(shù)去，我看也就還是包凡一老師和另外兩個(gè)澳際的老人了。

這還真的不是開玩笑的。

今天貼出來一位同學(xué)的命題作文，題目是我出的，Talk about a controversial event, issue or occurence in your life, or something that you believe is controversial. Tell me how you feel about it and why. （寫一件有爭(zhēng)議的事，談?wù)勀愕目捶ǎ?00-400字,限時(shí)兩小時(shí)）。這個(gè)同學(xué)的英文很好，但是熬夜才寫出來，凌晨2點(diǎn)發(fā)給我。文章從總體上說不錯(cuò)，對(duì)于一個(gè)中國高中生來說，過關(guān)，但是對(duì)于哥大的本科一年級(jí)HALF-SEMESTER論文，我給70分。

行文著述，立意掛帥。首先，上來就要開宗明義地說明自己的觀點(diǎn)。ISSUE是什么？為什么會(huì)有這個(gè)ISSUE？總有一些事情和事實(shí)來引發(fā)興趣和關(guān)注吧？FACTS放在什么地方，不要冗長描述，言簡(jiǎn)意賅地說明。然后，你的REASONINGS是什么，要一一列出，正方反方，你站在那一邊？分析和論述，這才是文章的血肉，要恰如其分地嵌入和安排，令每一個(gè)GROUND或RATIONALE理由充分。最后，有結(jié)論嗎? 回應(yīng)開頭和全文，看看有什么總結(jié)，陳詞，讓步，遞進(jìn)還是強(qiáng)調(diào)。到這里，短短的一篇文章就可以結(jié)束了。

先看看，然后我來點(diǎn)評(píng)幾句。

Topic: Is handwriting of Chinese important to modern people?

(考試的時(shí)候不要這么寫TOPIC，把它變成一句話，也就是我們上面說的FACTS的背景即可)

Nowadays, teenagers usually spend 3 or （to）4 hours per day on the Internet. And they are (so)used to typing characters on (the screen)computers (that they...) so far as they forget how to write a great number of characters on paper. Educators and parents have raised a lot concerns (have mounting concerns/worry that)about the importance of Chinese handwriting. On the other hand,(這里用on the other hand有些奇怪，直接用some argued that...即可) some people say,” Let it be and we do not need handwriting anymore.” Then I will discuss this controversial topic.（這里應(yīng)該引出自己的觀點(diǎn)了。 I am of the beli that different people may have different needs or prerence to use handwritten characters in their work and life, depending on various circumstances....或者別的一些觀點(diǎn)，無論站在那一邊，要明確一些）

Some agree to the opinion that no matter how advanced the computer is, we should also （去掉also）keep studying Chinese handwriting, (to which I do not totally/fully or completely agree) while I do not altogether agree to it. The purpose of words or characters is to express(convey) information, (這里句法有錯(cuò)，要加一個(gè)連接詞或前面加上while)typing on computer could help you achieve this task as well.(在這里仍然沒有寫出論點(diǎn)是什么) Also in some business occasions, typing in computers（typed words） is a more formal (去掉approach) approach to correspond with your customers. For instance, if I apply for Columbia University, its Admission Committee will require me to send them an official transcript. In this case, a handwriting one may be not acceptable to the committee, so that I need to ask for my high school to provide me with a printed version, which is undoubtedly more suitable in applying for university.(這個(gè)例子舉得很好，可惜前面說的是商業(yè)和客戶，這里變成了申請(qǐng)大學(xué)，建議把前面的BUSINESS去掉，或變成另一個(gè)例子)

The others, however, agree to the opinion that we should no longer study handwriting of Chinese because of the widespread use of computers and Internet, but I do not agree completely.（這里依然是不完全同意這個(gè)觀點(diǎn)，但是你的觀點(diǎn)是什么？） For some artists who work on handwriting of Chinese, and the people who regard it as their hobbits, handwriting is still important. They may make living by selling their masterpieces.（意義開始混淆，這個(gè)例子舉出來有些迷惑了，謀生和書法寫作有很大關(guān)系嗎？）And let’s consider the following hypothetical situation.（直接舉例，不要說這個(gè)或者那個(gè)假設(shè)） Assume that an artist feels bored about working on Chinese handwriting, and he wants to convert （convert是改變宗教信仰的意思，這里不能這么用）to another （去掉fresh）fresh job. Under this certain circumstance he may not accustom to the new environment, therore getting back to his former job-keep working on his handwriting. In the other words, calligraphy (handwritting of Chinese)is a way they make money or just alleviate their pressure. So it is handwriting that make him a better life.(這里最好的例子和說明就是書法對(duì)很多人來說是生活和工作的內(nèi)容，而且，手寫書法可以緩解很多人的工作壓力，這樣也可以)

To sum up, whether handwriting of Chinese is important to modern people depends on conditions, occupations and hobbits of them.（這個(gè)結(jié)論在前面批駁了兩個(gè)不同論點(diǎn)之后出現(xiàn)，有些唐突了，關(guān)鍵在于文章中沒有圍繞著這個(gè)論點(diǎn)來說明）

這個(gè)暑假的SAT詞匯和寫作加強(qiáng)班第二輪已經(jīng)快結(jié)束了，今天開始講評(píng)布置的作文作業(yè)。感覺同學(xué)們?cè)趯懽魃喜粌H離SAT考試的要求有距離，而且基本不能達(dá)到在美國課堂上做小論文和ESSAY的要求，我有些許生氣。

誠然，寫作是語言學(xué)習(xí)的最后環(huán)節(jié)，也是最終極的一個(gè)高度，對(duì)于任何語言都是這樣。學(xué)習(xí)中文這么多年，每次提起筆來，我心里面底氣非常不足。英文也是一樣，就如羅永浩同志有一次調(diào)侃，澳際背過字典的就只有老俞和那個(gè)廣東瘋子（未考證，我太太說給我聽的），的確，我是背過韋氏字典，但是要我寫英文，每一次我都是逐字逐句斟酌，如履薄冰，身后總感覺有人在偷偷笑我。在國內(nèi)這兒環(huán)境里，做留學(xué)咨詢的人很多，出版名校指南指西指北指ANYWHERE的人很多，但是敢于亮出來寫和出版留學(xué)文書寫作的，數(shù)來數(shù)去，我看也就還是包凡一老師和另外兩個(gè)澳際的老人了。

這還真的不是開玩笑的。

今天貼出來一位同學(xué)的命題作文，題目是我出的，Talk about a controversial event, issue or occurence in your life, or something that you believe is controversial. Tell me how you feel about it and why. （寫一件有爭(zhēng)議的事，談?wù)勀愕目捶ǎ?00-400字,限時(shí)兩小時(shí)）。這個(gè)同學(xué)的英文很好，但是熬夜才寫出來，凌晨2點(diǎn)發(fā)給我。文章從總體上說不錯(cuò)，對(duì)于一個(gè)中國高中生來說，過關(guān)，但是對(duì)于哥大的本科一年級(jí)HALF-SEMESTER論文，我給70分。

行文著述，立意掛帥。首先，上來就要開宗明義地說明自己的觀點(diǎn)。ISSUE是什么？為什么會(huì)有這個(gè)ISSUE？總有一些事情和事實(shí)來引發(fā)興趣和關(guān)注吧？FACTS放在什么地方，不要冗長描述，言簡(jiǎn)意賅地說明。然后，你的REASONINGS是什么，要一一列出，正方反方，你站在那一邊？分析和論述，這才是文章的血肉，要恰如其分地嵌入和安排，令每一個(gè)GROUND或RATIONALE理由充分。最后，有結(jié)論嗎? 回應(yīng)開頭和全文，看看有什么總結(jié)，陳詞，讓步，遞進(jìn)還是強(qiáng)調(diào)。到這里，短短的一篇文章就可以結(jié)束了。

先看看，然后我來點(diǎn)評(píng)幾句。

Topic: Is handwriting of Chinese important to modern people?

(考試的時(shí)候不要這么寫TOPIC，把它變成一句話，也就是我們上面說的FACTS的背景即可)

Nowadays, teenagers usually spend 3 or （to）4 hours per day on the Internet. And they are (so)used to typing characters on (the screen)computers (that they...) so far as they forget how to write a great number of characters on paper. Educators and parents have raised a lot concerns (have mounting concerns/worry that)about the importance of Chinese handwriting. On the other hand,(這里用on the other hand有些奇怪，直接用some argued that...即可) some people say,” Let it be and we do not need handwriting anymore.” Then I will discuss this controversial topic.（這里應(yīng)該引出自己的觀點(diǎn)了。 I am of the beli that different people may have different needs or prerence to use handwritten characters in their work and life, depending on various circumstances....或者別的一些觀點(diǎn)，無論站在那一邊，要明確一些）

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