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美國(guó)留學(xué)，這里有高質(zhì)量的essay范文解析！

2017/05/02 17:03:38 編輯： 美國(guó) 瀏覽次數(shù)：70 移動(dòng)端
寫Essay可能是大學(xué)申請(qǐng)流程中，最讓人頭疼的部分了。申請(qǐng)Essay可能是唯一一項(xiàng)學(xué)生可以完全自我把控的部分，也是申請(qǐng)流程中最后一個(gè)提升機(jī)會(huì)。到底什么樣的文章稱得上是一篇優(yōu)秀的essay？讓我們通過兩篇范文來進(jìn)行分析一下！

　　寫Essay可能是大學(xué)申請(qǐng)流程中，最讓人頭疼的部分了。申請(qǐng)Essay可能是唯一一項(xiàng)學(xué)生可以完全自我把控的部分，也是申請(qǐng)流程中最后一個(gè)提升機(jī)會(huì)。到底什么樣的文章稱得上是一篇優(yōu)秀的essay？讓我們通過兩篇范文來進(jìn)行分析一下?。ㄖ形牟糠质菫榱朔奖愦蠹依斫庵黜摼弊g的，略粗糙，求輕拍！重點(diǎn)看英文！）

　　先上范文，解析在最后！

　　題目：Breaking Into Cars

　　來源：約翰霍普金斯大學(xué)2019屆學(xué)生Stephen（CA系統(tǒng)，全文共636詞）

　　正文：

　　I had never broken into a car bore.

　　以前我從來沒有試過“破車而入”。

　　We were in Laredo, having just finished our first day at a Habitat for Humanity work site. The Hotchkiss volunteers had already lt, off to enjoy some Texas BBQ, leaving me behind with the college kids to clean up. Not until we were stranded did we realize we were locked out of the van.

　　當(dāng)時(shí)我們?cè)贚aredo，剛剛結(jié)束了我們?cè)谌嗜思覉@（一個(gè)國(guó)際慈善組織）工作的第一天。志愿者們已經(jīng)離開去吃德州烤肉了，只剩下我和一些大學(xué)生負(fù)責(zé)最后的清掃。直到最后我們被困在這的時(shí)候，我們才意識(shí)到自己被鎖在房車外了。

　　Someone picked a coat hanger out of the dumpster, handed it to me, and took a few steps back.

　　有人從垃圾箱里撿了一個(gè)衣架，遞給我，然后后退了幾步。

　　“Can you do that thing with a coat hanger to unlock it?”

　　“你能用那個(gè)衣架開鎖嗎？”

　　“Why me?” I thought.

　　“為什么是我？”我心想。

　　More out of amusement than optimism, I gave it a try. I slid the hanger into the window’s seal like I’d seen on crime shows, and spent a few minutes jiggling the apparatus around the inside of the frame. Suddenly, two things simultaneously clicked. One was the lock on the door. (I actually succeeded in springing it.) The other was the realization that I’d been in this type of situation bore. In fact, I’d been born into this type of situation.

　　與其說是因?yàn)闃酚^，不如說是覺得好玩，反正最后我還是決定嘗試下。我把衣架滑到窗戶的密封處，就跟我之前從犯罪電視劇里看的一樣，然后花了幾分鐘抖動(dòng)內(nèi)部框架周圍的裝置。突然，兩件事情同時(shí)響了。一是門鎖（我確實(shí)成功打開了），另外一個(gè)就是我突然意識(shí)到我之前遇到過這種情況。事實(shí)上，我就是在這樣的環(huán)境下成長(zhǎng)的。（準(zhǔn)備引出正文了）

　　My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos. With a family of seven, my home was loud, messy, and spottily supervised. My siblings arguing, the dog barking, the phone ringing—all meant my house was functioning normally. My Dad, a retired Navy pilot, was away half the time. When he was home, he had a parenting style something like a drill sergeant. At the age of nine, I learned how to clear burning oil from the surface of water. My Dad considered this a critical life skill—you know, in case my aircraft carrier should ever get torpedoed. “The water’s on fire! Clear a hole!” he shouted, tossing me in the lake without warning. While I’m still unconvinced about that particular lesson’s practicality, my Dad’s overarching message is unequivocally true: much of life is unexpected, and you have to deal with the twists and turns.

　　我的成長(zhǎng)經(jīng)歷已經(jīng)使我對(duì)不可預(yù)知的事和混亂的事麻木了（全文論點(diǎn)）。作為一個(gè)有著7個(gè)孩子的家庭，我們家充斥著吵鬧、混亂和不穩(wěn)定。兄弟姐妹們?cè)跔?zhēng)吵、狗在叫、電話在響……所有這些都是我們家的常態(tài)。我的父親，一名退役海軍飛行員，一半時(shí)間他都不在家。當(dāng)他在家的時(shí)候，他對(duì)我們的管教就如同教官一樣。9歲的時(shí)候，我學(xué)會(huì)了如何從水的表面清理燃燒著的油。我父親認(rèn)為這是一個(gè)非常重要的生存技能——你懂的，以防我的航空母艦被擊沉！“水上著火了！迅速清理！”他大喊著，并且沒有任何警告地把我扔進(jìn)湖里。盡管我一直不相信這種特殊訓(xùn)練的實(shí)用性，但是事實(shí)證明我父親那些包羅萬象的知識(shí)是正確的：生活中有太多不可預(yù)知的事情，你必須去應(yīng)對(duì)這些波折。

　　Living in my family, days rarely unfolded as planned. A bit overlooked, a little pushed around, I learned to roll with reality, negotiate a quick deal, and give the improbable a try. I don’t sweat the small stuff, and I dinitely don’t expect perfect fairness. So what if our dining room table only has six chairs for seven people? Someone learns the importance of punctuality every night.

　　在我的家庭里，生活很少會(huì)按計(jì)劃進(jìn)行。帶著一點(diǎn)被忽視，又有一點(diǎn)被逼迫著的感覺，我學(xué)會(huì)了跟現(xiàn)實(shí)打交道，迅速地進(jìn)行協(xié)商，并對(duì)不可能的事進(jìn)行嘗試。我不會(huì)因?yàn)樾∈露鴵?dān)心，而且我也絕對(duì)不會(huì)要求完全的公平。試想一下如果你們家的餐廳只有6把椅子但是卻有7個(gè)人怎么辦？某人因此學(xué)會(huì)了每晚準(zhǔn)時(shí)的重要性。

　　But more than punctuality and a special affinity for musical chairs, my family life has taught me to thrive in situations over which I have no power. Growing up, I never controlled my older siblings, but I learned how to thwart their attempts to control me. I forged alliances, and realigned them as necessary. Sometimes, I was the poor, denseless little brother; sometimes I was the omniscient elder. Different things to different people, as the situation demanded. I learned to adapt.

　　但是比起守時(shí)和對(duì)搶椅游戲的特殊喜愛，我的家庭生活更多地教給我如何在自己沒有能力的情況下生存。成長(zhǎng)過程中，我從來沒有控制過我的哥哥姐姐們，但是我知道如何打消他們控制我的念頭。我跟我的兄弟姐妹們結(jié)盟，并在必要的時(shí)候更換盟友。有時(shí)候，我是弱小、缺乏保護(hù)的小弟弟；有時(shí)候，我是無所不知的大哥哥。根據(jù)環(huán)境的要求，對(duì)不同的人做不同的事。我學(xué)著調(diào)整自己。

　　Back then, these techniques were merely reactions undertaken to ensure my survival. But one day this fall, Dr. Hicks, our Head of School, asked me a question that he hoped all seniors would rlect on throughout the year: “How can I participate in a thing I do not govern, in the company of people I did not choose?”

　　那時(shí)候，這些技能只是確保我能順利生存下來的反應(yīng)而已。但是今年秋天的某一天，我們的校長(zhǎng)Dr.Hicks問了我一個(gè)問題，這個(gè)問題是他希望所有高三的學(xué)生這一年都能反思的問題：“在一個(gè)不是由我選擇員工的公司，我如何參與到一件我沒有管理的事情中？”

　　The question caught me off guard, much like the question posed to me in Laredo. Then, I realized I knew the answer. I knew why the coat hanger had been handed to me.

　　這個(gè)問題讓我措手不及，就像我在Laredo遇到的事情一樣。隨后，我意識(shí)到我知道答案。我知道衣架為什么被扔給了我。

　　Growing up as the middle child in my family, I was a vital participant in a thing I did not govern, in the company of people I did not choose. It’s family. It’s society. And often, it’s chaos. You participate by letting go of the small stuff, not expecting order and perfection, and facing the unexpected with confidence, optimism, and preparedness. My family experience taught me to face a serendipitous world with confidence.

　　在我的家庭里，作為一個(gè)年紀(jì)在中間的孩子，我就是那個(gè)沒有管理權(quán)、對(duì)人員沒有選擇權(quán)的公司里里的重要參與者。它是家庭，它也是社會(huì)。通常， 場(chǎng)面都是混亂的。你通過不在意細(xì)枝末節(jié)、不期望秩序和完美以及用自信、樂觀和有準(zhǔn)備的心態(tài)面對(duì)未知事情的態(tài)度參與其中。我的家庭經(jīng)歷教會(huì)我用信心面對(duì)一個(gè)處處有意外的世界。

　　解析：這篇文章突出在哪？

　　1. 一個(gè)開放式的開頭吸引人的視線。

　　“I had never broken into a car bore.”這段話只有短短的8個(gè)字，但是包含了很多重要的信息：場(chǎng)景設(shè)置（站在車邊準(zhǔn)備“破車而入”）傳遞出了作者想打破壁壘的想法（他可能是第一次做違法的事情），并且還有點(diǎn)令人對(duì)故事走向產(chǎn)生好奇。

　　2. 正文部分細(xì)節(jié)具體，故事性強(qiáng)

　　志愿者去吃“Texas BBQ”而不是dinner或food，從dumpster里找出衣架、以及活動(dòng)衣架的時(shí)候用“jiggles”而不是“move”這些描寫都非常具體且生動(dòng)，再加上內(nèi)心活動(dòng)的刻畫，使讀者更能夠想象得出當(dāng)時(shí)的窘境。

　　3. 由一個(gè)小意外自然引入更深層次的角度

　　在這篇essay中作者不僅是要描寫被鎖在車外的經(jīng)歷，更由此凸顯出自己經(jīng)歷豐富、應(yīng)對(duì)突發(fā)事件能力強(qiáng)的特質(zhì)，以小見大。

　　4. 用具體的例子來對(duì)抽象的觀點(diǎn)進(jìn)行闡釋

　　正文的一個(gè)重要觀點(diǎn)是“My upbringing has numbed me to unpredictability and chaos.”而unpredictability and chaos是抽象的，所以作者用自己的家庭成長(zhǎng)經(jīng)歷來具體表達(dá)這一觀點(diǎn)。

　　5. 少量幽默和隨意的語言讓文章更接地氣

　　在描寫從小父親對(duì)自己特殊的教育方式的時(shí)候，作者的語言更加隨意幽默還帶有一點(diǎn)吐槽。

　　6. 結(jié)尾自然地過渡到未來

　　過去的經(jīng)歷、現(xiàn)在的成熟以及清晰的自我認(rèn)知是所有成功essay都具備的關(guān)鍵要素。作者自然地將自己的成長(zhǎng)經(jīng)歷與現(xiàn)在的遭遇以及自己的生活態(tài)度聯(lián)系在了一起，展現(xiàn)出了一個(gè)成熟上進(jìn)有潛力的大學(xué)生形象。

　　所以，一篇高質(zhì)量的essay應(yīng)該具備的要素到底是什么？我們可以試著總結(jié)下：

　　第一，故事性！故事性！故事性！重要的事情說三遍！故事的語言一定要生動(dòng)自然！

　　第二，脈絡(luò)一定要清晰，故事的發(fā)展走向要自然順暢，觀點(diǎn)明確，例證真實(shí)。

　　第三，開頭絕殺，正文生動(dòng)，結(jié)尾升華！

　　最后，附贈(zèng)2篇分別成功被普林斯頓大學(xué)和塔夫茨大學(xué)錄取的學(xué)生的范文，大家可以自己分析下。

　　普林斯頓大學(xué)：

　　My story is not a story; my story is a fingerprint, both distinctive and exclusive, that makes me unique. My story started in June, 1997, and has taken place primarily in Monroe, Michigan. Sixteen years later, my story, filled with both good and bad times, is about to take transition into a new chapter. But this chapter, like most others, must be read with the context in mind to visualize the whole picture.

　　Coming from a mixed African American-Caucasian background, I grew up near the border of the poverty line, but I tried not to succumb to the societal stereotypes of many other African Americans. I didn’t participate in or promote any heinous or felonious actions; additionally, I made certain that I made education my utmost priority. As of today, my friends find it astonishing that I don’t curse under any circumstances. My father would be glad that I kept up this moral integrity, but sadly he passed away this year in early December. Even though this still fills me with gri and mixed emotions I always try to remember his axiom of “always – keep your head up.” He was a great man, whose words served to support me through the harshest of times.

　　Switching off to a more joyful subject, my years as a 4-Her were very influential in my upbringing. I started off as an 8 year old explorer, with my family already being involved in 4-H, and I am still an active member. Being involved with certain crafts and animal projects, 4-H taught me many skills like: leadership, speechmaking, and perseverance. Most importantly, 4-H gave me the courage to try new things-despite the risks. Without 4-H, I wouldn’t be involved in as many extracurricular activities like quiz bowl, wrestling, Interact Rotary Club, Upward Bound, freshman ignition mentor, and National Honor Society. As a supplement to this, I was also able to do various other programs like: College 101 (U of M), MI HOBY (student leadership) and various other undertakings.

　　Being so involved in many organizations, I saw the plethora of opportunities bore me to take some kind of leadership role. Through 4-H, I started off shy and timid, but eventually I was voted in as group treasurer in 2012; the subsequent year (2013) I was group president. For Upward Bond, I strived to be a model participant, and now I’ve been attending the state student leadership conference for two years (our program has only been involved for two years so far). In NHS, I am currently the group treasurer, yet I plan to run for its presidency this upcoming election. At school I am a member of our Student Council, organizing and running various school functions, with aspirations of taking a leadership role in the next academic school year. I choose not to be a class officer for my graduating class simply because I don’t have the spare time.

　　“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” —Mark Twain. This quote serves as an overarching guide to how my life has played out. I didn’t exactly grow up dirt poor, but I did mature enough to see that we weren’t fortune 500 either. The world never owed me anything; the world only gave me what I took from it. Nothing was ever given to me, so I have had to work hard and preserve through all of life’s road blocks-no matter how big the challenge was, I always kept my head up. Knowing this, I can accurately see what I need to do in order to get anywhere else in life. The first step, though stupendous and life changing, is to make it to college in order to pursue what I want in life.

　　塔夫茨大學(xué)：

　　I have always loved riding in cars. After a long day in first grade, I used to fall asleep to the engine purring in my mother's Honda Odyssey, even though it was only a 5-minute drive home. As I grew, and graduated into the shotgun seat, it became natural and enjoyable to look out the window. Seeing my world passing by through that smudged glass, I would daydream what I could do with it.

　　In elementary school, I already knew my career path: I was going to be Emperor of the World. While I sat in the car and watched the miles pass by, I developed the plan for my empire. I reasoned that, for the world to run smoothly, it would have to look presentable. I would assign people, aptly named Fixer-Uppers, to fix everything that needed fixing. That old man down the street with chipping paint on his house would have a fresh coat in no time. The boy who accidentally tossed his Frisbee onto the roof of the school would get it back. The big pothole on Elm Street that my mother managed to hit every single day on the way to school would be filled-in. It made perfect sense! All the people that didn't have a job could be Fixer-Uppers. I was like a ten-year-old FDR.

　　Seven years down the road, I still take a second glance at the sidewalk cracks and think of my Fixer-Uppers, but now I'm doing so from the driver's seat. As much as I would enjoy it, I now accept that I won't become Emperor of the World, and that the Fixer-Uppers will have to remain in my car ride imaginings. Or do they? I always pictured a Fixer-Upper as a smiling man in an orange T-Shirt. Maybe instead, a Fixer-Upper could be a tall girl with a deep love for Yankee Candles. Maybe it could be me.

　　Bridget the Fixer-Upper will be slightly different than the imaginary one who paints houses and fetches Frisbees. I was lucky enough to discover what I am passionate about when I was a freshman in high school. A self-admitted Phys. Ed. addict, I volunteered to help out with the Adapted PE class. On my first day, I learned that it was for developmentally-disabled students. To be honest, I was really nervous. I hadn't had too much interaction with special needs students bore, and wasn't sure how to handle myself around them. Long story short, I got hooked. Three years have passed helping out in APE and eventually becoming a teacher in the Applied Behavior Analysis summer program. I love working with the students and watching them progress.

　　When senior year arrived, college meetings began, and my counselor asked me what I wanted to do for a career, I didn't say Emperor of the World. Instead, I told him I wanted to become a board-certified behavior analyst. A BCBA helps develop learning plans for students with autism and other disabilities. Basically, I would get to do what I love for the rest of my life. He laughed and told me that it was a nice change that a seventeen-year-old knew so specifically what she wanted to do. I smiled, thanked him, and lt. But it occurred to me that, while my desired occupation was decided, my true goal in life was still to become a Fixer-Upper. So, maybe I'll be like Sue Storm and her alter-ego, the Invisible Woman. I'll do one thing during the day, then spend my off-hours helping people where I can. Instead of flying like Sue, though, I'll opt for a nice performance automobile. My childhood self would appreciate that.

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