【工作用語】英語職場中如何對別人說“不”.

　　在1997年的蘋果全球開發(fā)者大會上，斯蒂芬?喬布斯(Steve Jobs)被問及為什么他要放棄一項在座不少人都傾其心血開發(fā)的軟件。他是如此回答的：

　　At the 1997 Apple Worldwide Developer Conference, Steve Jobs was asked why he slashed a program that some in the audience had worked hard on. This is how he responded:

　　“你必須得說不、不、不，但當你說‘不’的時候，你就會惹人生氣?！?/p>

　　&aposYou&aposve got to say No, No, No and when you say No you piss off people.&apos

　　原因在于，他說：“集中精力做一件事就意味著對其他事說不?！?/p>

　　The reason, he said, is that &aposFocusing is about saying No.&apos

　　其實，這一道理適用于我們每一個人。

　　Well, it&aposs the same for each of us as individuals.

　　要想在生活中取得任何成就，我們必須集中精力，而集中精力就要求我們學會說“不”。

　　To accomplish anything in life, we need focus, and that requires learning to say no.

　　必須使用“不”這個字來自我保護

　　&aposNo&apos is the word we must use to protect ourselves.

　　不過，對我們當中的很多人來說，說“不”并非易事。因為在今天這個時刻在線的網絡世界，變化更快，壓力也與日俱增，這意味著每個人都必須承擔得更多。我們面臨著更多的工作、更多的責任和更多的截止期限。

　　For many of us, though, this presents a problem. Because in today&aposs always-on, wired world, change just gets faster, and the pressure just gets more intense, for each of us to take on more. More work, more obligations, more deadlines.

　　因此，我們陷入了重復說“是”的圈套之中。

　　And so we fall into the trap of constantly saying Yes.

　　但是當我們不斷地超負荷工作、背負著試圖完成所有任務的重壓時，我們在生活中卻永遠不會獲得成功。

　　But when we&aposre constantly overworked and overstressed from the strain of trying to do it all, we&aposll never be successful in our lives.

　　這是一個無論男女都需要面對的難題，尤其體現(xiàn)在許多女性朋友的身上。因為說“不”似乎與之前我們接受的所有教誨都相左，我們一直被要求做個能使他人開心的人。畢竟，我們最不想聽到的評價就是“自私自利”。

　　This is a problem that weighs on both men and women, but it&aposs a special problem for many of us who are women. Because saying No seems to go against all that we&aposve ever been taught, which is to please other people. After all, the last thing we&aposd want is to be called selfish!

　　但是回首往事，我發(fā)現(xiàn)每次我感覺不知所措或是困擾不堪之時，都正是我對別人說了太多“是”之際──這其中既有我的普通朋友、前男友，也有我曾任職的公司。我曾經一度受困于點頭稱是的慣性迷局中，從而將自己陷入了一段極具毀滅性的、長期的感情之中。如果當時，我一開始就把這個簡單得不能再簡單的“不”字說出口的話，我不僅可以節(jié)省大筆的時間，還可以免受不少痛苦。

　　But as I look back, I see that every time I&aposve felt lost or stuck is when I&aposve said Yes too much to someone else - a friend, a boyfriend, a company I worked for. Once I got so stuck into the pattern of Yes that I got mired in a destructive long-term relationship.It would have saved me so much time and gri if I&aposd just said that one little word - No - at the start.

　　威廉?尤里博士(William Ury)向哈佛法學院的學生和聯(lián)合國維和士兵都教授過有關協(xié)商技巧的課程。在他所著的《積極說“不”的力量》(The Power of a Positive No)一書中，他寫道：“我們必須使用‘不’這個字來進行自我保護，并捍衛(wèi)那些我們在乎的事和人。但是眾所周知的是，不恰當?shù)木芙^可能會疏遠和激怒他人，進而毀掉我們最珍視的東西。”

　　Dr. William Ury teaches negotiations at Harvard Law School and to U.N.peacekeepers, and in his book The Power of a Positive No, he writes: &aposNo is the word we must use to protect ourselves and to stand up for everything and everyone that matters to us. But as we all know, the wrong No can also destroy what we most value by alienating and angering people.&apos

　　這就是別生硬地說“不”顯得很重要的原因，我們應該學習的是該如何有效地拒絕別人。

　　That&aposs why it&aposs so important not simply to say no, but to learn to do so fectively.

　　如何說“不”

　　How to say &aposNo&apos

　　說“不”的訣竅在于溫和卻又堅定。

　　The trick to saying No is be warm but firm.

　　1. 分清輕重緩急。說“不”的第一步是搞清楚在你的生活中到底什么是至關重要的事情。你越執(zhí)著于生活中的重點，說“不”就會越簡單。

　　1. Prioritize. To say no, the first step is to be clear on what exactly are your priorities in life. The more firmly you&aposre connected to your Yes, the easier it will be to say No.

　　2. 要心存感激。通常別人來向你求助是因為他們信任你并且相信你有幫助他們的能力。和顏悅色地拒絕別人將顯示出你并不是在拒絕這個人，而只是針對這件事。

　　2. Be appreciative. Usually when people ask for your help, it&aposs because they trust you and believe in your ability to help them. Being kind will show that you&aposre not rejecting the person.

　　3. 要簡明扼要。我自己就經常犯這個錯誤──一個勁兒地為說“不”而向別人道歉，以至于最終會說服自己答應別人的要求。由此我明白了一個道理，你絕不需要為自己該做的事情而道歉。在解釋什么對你而言至關重要而使你無法滿足對方的要求時，一句話足矣。

　　3. Be bri. I&aposve often made the mistake of so profusely apologizing for saying No that I eventually talked my way into saying Yes! I&aposve since learned that you never need to apologize for doing what&aposs right for you. One sentence is enough to explain what you&aposre saying Yes to which prevents you from fulfilling their request.

　　4. 肯定-否定-肯定式拒絕法。尤里博士建議在拒絕他人時，采用一種新潁的肯定-否定-肯定式拒絕方法。首先，告訴對方你自己的理由(比如“我母親和我在周六早晨一直有共享早餐的慣例”)。接著，表達你的拒絕(“所以我不能幫你準備午餐會”)。最后以一個肯定性的新替代方案結尾(“但是我很樂意在午餐會結束后幫你打掃”)。

　　4. Yes-No-Yes. Dr. Ury suggests offering a creative Yes-No-Yes solution. First, share what you&aposre currently saying Yes to (&aposMy mother and I always go out for breakfast on Saturday mornings&apos). Then say No (&aposSo I won&apost be able to help you set up for your luncheon.&apos). Finish with a new Yes (&aposBut I&aposd be happy to help clean up after it&aposs over&apos).

　　5. 在答復前三思而后行。這是另一個我自己也經常犯的錯誤。每當別人有求于我的時候，我的本能反應就是“當然，這件事交給我沒問題”。要避免迫于壓力倉促同意，或是對他人的請求感情用事，應在答復請求前花幾個小時或是一天的時間考慮一下。想清楚其中的利害關系、你真正要付出的代價以及同意這個請求是否合情合理。

　　5. Take time bore responding. This is another mistake I&aposve often made. When approached with a request, my instinctive reaction has been &aposSure, I can do that!&apos To avoid saying Yes under pressure, or reacting emotionally to a request, take a few hours or a day bore responding. Figure out whose interests are at stake, what&aposs really being asked of you, and whether it makes sense to say Yes.

　　6. 堅持己見。在你說“不”后，即使對方勃然大怒或者情緒沖動，你都不能妥協(xié)。相反，認真聽取對方的意見，然后冷靜地重述自己拒絕的立場。做到態(tài)度堅定，不要退縮。

　　6. Be firm. Even if the other person gets angry or emotional after you&aposve said No, don&apost yield. Instead, listen attentively, then calmly restate your No. Keep it simple and firm, and don&apost backpedal.

　　7. 先發(fā)制人。在我們的生活中，總有一些人永無止境地提出各種無理要求。對付這些人，你得先發(fā)制人地直陳你當前的重中之重。如果這個人是你的老板，首先應該與他或她就你的工作范圍達成共識，如果你的老板提出更多要求，要提醒他或她你們之前的共識。

　　7. Be pre-emptive. We&aposve all had certain people in our lives who consistently make unreasonable demands. With them, act proactively by stating upfront what it is that you&aposre focused on. If it&aposs your boss, agree with her how you should be spending your time, and if she piles on more requests, then rer to your earlier conversation.

　　“不”有改變我們生活的魔力

　　&aposNo&apos has the power to transform our lives

　　當我們學會了如何巧妙地說“不”時，就會有奇妙的事情發(fā)生：

　　When we learn to say No properly, wonderful things will happen:

　　生活將變得更加輕松自如。我們的生活將更為和諧，因為生活中的點點滴滴都將賦予我們活力，而不會使我們精疲力竭。

　　Our lives will have less pressure and stress. Our lives will feel more balanced because each area of our lives gives us strength rather than saps our strength.

　　我們將變得更加自信。實際上，說“不”將增加我們在生活中的自信。因為當我們掌控了自己的生活后，我們將不再為他人的觀點而感到惴惴不安。

　　We&aposll become more self-confident. The act of saying No actually gives us confidence in life. Because when we take charge of our lives, we&aposll stop being so preoccupied with other people&aposs opinions.

　　我們將更加成功。我們將在方方面面都更為成功，因我們可以將精力集中在更少的事情上，做到精益求精。并且通過專注自我需求，我們將能更加得心應手地幫助自己和他人。

　　We&aposll be more successful. We&aposll be more successful in all that we do because we&aposre focused on doing fewer things and doing those well. And by addressing our own needs, we&aposll gain the strength we need to do more for ourselves and others.

　　在數(shù)不勝數(shù)的有關提高效率和時間管理的妙招中，說“不”是首屈一指的選擇。

　　In a world full of productivity and time-management tips, the word No is the best productivity and time-management tip of all.

　　我們可以把這個技巧運用在生活的各個方面。諸如，當他人要我們選擇適合他們、但違背我們自己價值觀的生活方式而向我們施壓的時候，或者當他人強迫或試圖掌控我們的時候，我們可以學著優(yōu)雅而堅定地說“不”。

　　And we can use this skill in all areas of our lives. For example, when other people give us pressure to live our lives in a way which suits them but which goes against our own values.Or when other people bully us and try to control us.We can learn to say No with grace and strength.

　　“不”是我們打開通往更多快樂和生活真諦大門的鑰匙

　　&aposNo&apos is the key to greater joy and purpose in our lives

　　相較于對說“不”習以為常而出名的喬布斯，大多數(shù)人都和他不一樣。對于大多數(shù)人來說，說“不”需要練習和勇氣。畢竟，你可能擔心友情會被傷害，或是被當作一個讓別人心灰意冷的壞人，你可能還怕被冠上冷漠無情的帽子。

　　Most of us are not like Steve Jobs, who famously was accustomed to saying (or shouting) No. For most of us, saying No takes practice, and courage. After all, you may worry about jeopardizing a friendship. Or about being a bad person by letting someone down. Or you may worry about getting a reputation for being unhelpful.

　　實際上，上述擔憂恰好證明了你的慷慨和同理心，這些都是難能可貴的品質。但是請記住，平衡好自己“取悅他人”和“實干家”的角色，你才能更加自信和快樂。

　　Worrying about all these things actually speaks well of your generosity and empathy, and those are wonderful qualities to have.But remember that by balancing your &apospleaser&apos and &aposdoer&apos tendencies, you&aposll be stronger and happier.

　　具有諷刺意味的是，當我們學會說“不”后，人際關系事實上將得到改善。當我們讓身邊的人知道我們尊重自己之時，他們將反過來尊重你并更欣賞你。我們得教他人如何對待我們。

　　The irony is that when we learn to say No, our relationships with other people actually will improve. When we let people know that we respect ourselves, people will respect and like us more. We teach people how to treat us.

　　“不”這個字賦予我們駕馭自己生活的能力。“不”將為我們的生活注入更多快樂和真諦，因為它能使我們得到解脫，從而去關注那些我們最珍視的人和事。

　　The word No puts us in charge of our lives. It infuses our lives with more joy and more purpose because it frees us to focus on the people and things that we value the most.

　　讀者朋友，在你的生活中，你有沒有后悔當初應該對哪件事或哪個人說“不”?如果你當時那么做的話，現(xiàn)在你的生活將有何不同?

　　Can you think of something - or someone - in your life that you wish you had said No to? How would your life be different now if you had?

　　拒絕什么是你曾經做過的最為難的事情?

　　What&aposs the hardest thing you&aposve ever said No to?